Beer Drinking Tips

For All Beer Drinkers…Enjoy…

Beer Drinking Troubleshooting Tips
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SYMPTOM:
Feet cold and wet.

FAULT:
Glass being held at incorrect angle.

ACTION:
Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
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SYMPTOM:
Feet warm and wet.

FAULT:
Improper bladder control.

ACTION:
Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
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SYMPTOM:
Beer unusually pale and tasteless.

FAULT:
Glass empty.

ACTION:
Get someone to buy you another beer.
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SYMPTOM:
Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.

FAULT:
You have fallen over backward.

ACTION:
Have yourself leashed to bar.
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SYMPTOM:
Mouth contains cigarette butts.

FAULT:
You have fallen forward.

ACTION:
See above.
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SYMPTOM:
Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.

FAULT:
Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.

ACTION:
Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
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SYMPTOM:
Floor blurred.

FAULT:
You are looking through bottom of empty glass.

ACTION:
Get someone to buy you another beer.
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SYMPTOM:
Floor moving.

FAULT:
You are being carried out.

ACTION:
Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
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SYMPTOM:
Room seems unusually dark.

FAULT:
Bar has closed.

ACTION:
Confirm home address with bartender.
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SYMPTOM:
Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.

FAULT:
Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.

ACTION:
Cover mouth.
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SYMPTOM:
Everyone looks up to you and smiles.

FAULT:
You are dancing on the table.

ACTION:
Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
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SYMPTOM:
Beer is crystal-clear.

FAULT:
It’s water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.

ACTION:
Punch him.
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SYMPTOM:
Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.

FAULT:
You have been in a fight.

ACTION:
Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
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SYMPTOM:
Don’t recognize anyone, don’t recognize the room you’re in.

FAULT:
You’ve wandered into the wrong party.

ACTION:
See if they have free beer.
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SYMPTOM:
Your singing sounds distorted.

FAULT:
The beer is too weak.

ACTION:
Have more beer until your voice improves.
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SYMPTOM:
Don’t remember the words to the song.

FAULT:
Beer is just right.

ACTION:
Play air guitar.
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